Parenting through illness is another dimension of hell.
Your head is pounding. Your body has chills. Every time you stand up you wanna puke.
Oh and your kids still can’t feed themselves, get dressed, clean their dishes, or regulate their loud ass voices without you.
So what happens? Hopefully, you have a reliable partner who understands this unforgiving combo of sickness and parenting, and she steps up for double duty. Let’s you rest while she takes on the screaming, hungry assholes that don’t know how to give a shit about you.
If you should be so lucky, thank your wife 10 times over. Then be ready to return the fuck out of that favor when she gets sick.
Probably in the next day or 2 if we’re being honest. And then your kids will get sick. And then you’ll get sick again. And it’s just a big ol’ recycling sign of sickness.
So get ready because soon…
It’s your turn
This is the moment you’ve been training for. Don’t be the shitty husband who can’t even.
It’s also literally in most people’s wedding vows: through sickness and in health.
Let your wife rest. Shut the bedroom door and enter the war zone. Make all the meals. Clean all the messes. Change all the diapers. Let the kids watch more TV than usual to get through this. And whatever happens, DO NOT let any children into the bedroom.
Maybe just pretend your wife left for a couple days. When you put it that way, it leaves you no choice – you’re it.
I know how daunting this may feel because…
I just went through this
And honestly? It felt kinda badass running the show. Like I discovered a new version of the flow state.
Spinning between serving ravioli dinners and lapping up chocolate milk puddles, then catching the chair as it fell backwards because my toddler can’t sit down for more than 9.7 seconds.
I was dancing with chaos like a grown-ass man, leading the routine while leaning into the improv, and it felt good.
Would I have rather not? Of course. But when I just embraced the reality, I was fully present. Not on my phone at all. How often can I say that?
Meanwhile my wife laid down in a dark room with a loud box fan blasting, no idea about anything happening one wall away.
Periodically I’d swoop in to check on her, and she did the same for me. Of course she would try to step in because she felt bad, but I knew she didn’t want to. So I just told her to go back to bed.
Oh and pro tip: as soon as she starts feeling bad, go buy her some pre-made chicken noodle soup from the grocery store deli. Fill her with that Mom magic we all love receiving.
Why did all do all this? Because I love my wife. When you love someone, you don’t leave them high and dry, you help them.
Also, I was sick just a few days before this, and she stepped right into mom-mode for both the kids and me. It was so selfless, and because I knew how good it felt to recover without simultaneously parenting, I wanted to do the same thing for her.
This is about backing up all those I-love-yous with action.
And if you can’t handle this?
It sounds dramatic, but you’re failing your family. As conveniently simple as the old parenting setup was, it was so fucking unfair to expect the sick mom to tough it out while Dad slipped outta the house for work.
Fuck that. Take off work. Tell them it’s a shitshow and your family needs help. If you don’t have understanding bosses, calmly explain why this has to be your priority for 1 day and that you’ll be back as soon as possible.
Usually 1 day is enough to keep everything on the rails and give your wife the rest she needs to get back to at least 50%.
If this really isn’t an option, get creative. Call your or her parents. Recruit friends. Hire a nanny for the day. Just get someone on those little fuckers and save her from experiencing the 7th circle of hell.
Don’t be a 90s Dad.